Recently I have become inspired to create a new blog. Perhaps it is because the land of xanga has become rather extinct; maybe it is my tendency to be a copycat and pounce on the ideas of others...Whatever the purpose, reason, or inspiration I have been chomping at the bit these days. The need to write has started pulsing through my veins in a fashion quite similar to when I was the English major nerd attending The University of Tennessee (yes I do miss being in school).
The last few months have some of the most confusing, up to down and up again, trying and yet joyful months in my life. As most of you know I was planning on moving to Southern California about a month ago. The idea was to move out there, live with the grandparents for a year or so, work and attend cosmetology school. About two months ago I had the sudden realization that I could never do that (live with the grandparents that is). "What is the big deal Amanda?", "I could live anywhere for a few months if I was in California!" and "Are you sure?!" were the most common responses that I heard from well-meaning friends and family when I made vocal my decision to remain in the glorious state of Tennesee for a while longer...I had to consider their questions and several reasons popped into my mind for why I could not live with my well-meaning grandparents.
-Lack of independence and freedom: If I had gone through with my decision to live with Jack and Jo I would have had to give up a lot of what I have enjoyed over the last 5 years of my life: the ability to not be accountable to elders with my time, to make mistakes and learn from them, to go on hot dates, to have the political viewpoints that I currently posess and also to be charge of my own living environment.
-Pressure to conform to my grandparents religious ideologies and spiritual expression: My grandparents both profess to be Christians but we go about how we live our Christian lives quite differently. For my grandmother being a Christian means going to church, being afraid of rock music, not going dancing at a bar, not watching Oprah, being devoted to Benny Hinn and lastly watching more TBN than any one human should. For me it is more about caring for my friends and family, living a life of love where I follow the teachings of Jesus, putting other people above myself, being passionate, understanding how to be frugal and NOT living in fear (I honestly do not want to feel like I need to have a gun to feel safe and secure).
-Being surrounded by fear: I briefly touched open this in my last bullet but let me just say that I can not stand basing my decisions and priorites in life upon worries and anxieties that I may have as an imperfect and flawed individual. I love my grandmother very much but it drives me totally nuts that she is always sending me clippings for new findings about something that is hazardous to my health and that she refuses to drive on the freeways in California most of the time.
These are just a few of the reasons why I decided to postpone moving to one of my favorite areas of this country, Orange County California. I felt it was more important to be true to who I am and to be in a postitive living situation than to have the beach 15 minutes away, the ability to be surrounded by more like minded people, easily accesible in-n-out burger, drive thru-japanese restaurants, coffee shops that are not part of a chain and to have mountains where I could snowboard several days a week for much of the year at my fingertips...
I have given all of these dreams so that I can struggle and try to find my place in East Tennessee. Sounds pretty loco I know...So what are my future plans you ask? More of that to come...
