I have a few health goals I'd like to achieve for the year. Most of these are inspired out of a desire to reduce stress/anxiety in my life and because I'm tired of being sick all the time! I think following some of these nutrition/exercise goals will really help me to feel better mentally and physically. I also am on the quest for helpful vegetarian/pescetarian cooking blogs so if anyone has any that you read please let me know!
Health Goals for 2012
1) Eat 5-10 servings of fruits/veggies per day.
*tomatoes, red, yellow, green peppers in particular...try to get ORGANIC as much as I can.
2) Eat more fiber every day. 20-35 grams/day.
* Apples, pears, oats, celery and coarse whole grains are all good options.
3) Eat healthy fats.
*Canola, olive oil, peanut oil and avocado.
4) Drink more water.
*8 glasses at least/day.
5) Eat a healthy breakfast every day. Don't skip this meal!
6) Choose lighter options when dining out. Don't eat the entire large portion of food all in one sitting.
7) Eat more power foods.
*Broccoli, spinach, edamame, blueberries, fish (tuna and salmon), peanuts/nuts and brown rice.
8) Reduce caffeine intake.
9) Drink more green tea.
10) Pack all my meals for work/school.
11) Take yoga classes.
12) Run on the beach several times a week.
13) Go snowboarding with my Grandpa.
14) Learn how to surf. :)
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
12 things I want to do in 2012
I stole this idea from my friend Anna Owen. A list of 12 things seemed much more do-able than a massive amount of new years resolutions. So here is my list of 12 things I want to do in 2012. :)
1) Take up yoga several days a week.
2) Write on my blog at least once a week.
3) Start a beauty blog.
4) Take a photography class.
5) Get a job doing makeup.
6) Pay off as much debt as possible.
7) Save 10% of my income (at least).
8) Write for a food or restaurant publication.
9) Take a week long vacation.
10) Travel up the coast of California by car or train.
11) Join a book club.
12) Make a budget and start to use coupons more.
1) Take up yoga several days a week.
2) Write on my blog at least once a week.
3) Start a beauty blog.
4) Take a photography class.
5) Get a job doing makeup.
6) Pay off as much debt as possible.
7) Save 10% of my income (at least).
8) Write for a food or restaurant publication.
9) Take a week long vacation.
10) Travel up the coast of California by car or train.
11) Join a book club.
12) Make a budget and start to use coupons more.
from my devotion today
Be willing to go out on a limb with me. If that is where I am leading you, it is the safest place to be. Your desire to live a risk-free life is a form of unbelief. Your longing to live close to Me is at odds with your attempts to minimize risk. .You are approaching a crossroads in your journey. In order to follow Me wholeheartedly, you must relinquish your tendency to play it safe.
This is an excerpt from my devotional that I am reading thru (Jesus Calling)...Wow. This is exactly where I am at in my life right now. I am in a period of transition and this is causing a lot of fear and unbelief. I am excited about the change but it's scary because I don't know exactly how everything is going to work out yet. I also have been struggling with financial worries lately and need to surrender that to God.
I am planning to move to Orange County, CA at the end of January with the hopes of attending a make-up school out there. I really am interested in doing beauty make-up, airbrushing, bridal, photo shoots, special effects, and eventually would love to work on a TV show or films. I also want to work in a salon part-time and do hair. I think moving to California scares me (even though it's temporary) because it's very competitive out there. I know that is where I need to be to get the kind of training that I need. I also know that it's where I need to be eventually to network with the right types of people. I love Nashville and the South but I know I need to be out West to do the kind of work I want to do.
I think this is very exciting but also rather scary because I am leaving behind most of my friends, family and (temporarily) a very dear boyfriend. I am excited though. To be close to the ocean, to meet new people, to find a temporary church family out there to love and encourage me...to spend some time with one of my best friends Jeannie who lives out there...to be able to do more outdoor activities and enjoy the beautiful climate. I have been very blessed to have relatives out there offer me a place to live. This is really going to help me out financially and I will be able to start paying off some school loans and other debt.
All in all, I think this is going to be a great opportunity and I want to embrace it with open arms and without fear. I want to be willing to go out on a limb with the Lord. I want to be lead step by step without having to see the whole journey of my life.
This is an excerpt from my devotional that I am reading thru (Jesus Calling)...Wow. This is exactly where I am at in my life right now. I am in a period of transition and this is causing a lot of fear and unbelief. I am excited about the change but it's scary because I don't know exactly how everything is going to work out yet. I also have been struggling with financial worries lately and need to surrender that to God.
I am planning to move to Orange County, CA at the end of January with the hopes of attending a make-up school out there. I really am interested in doing beauty make-up, airbrushing, bridal, photo shoots, special effects, and eventually would love to work on a TV show or films. I also want to work in a salon part-time and do hair. I think moving to California scares me (even though it's temporary) because it's very competitive out there. I know that is where I need to be to get the kind of training that I need. I also know that it's where I need to be eventually to network with the right types of people. I love Nashville and the South but I know I need to be out West to do the kind of work I want to do.
I think this is very exciting but also rather scary because I am leaving behind most of my friends, family and (temporarily) a very dear boyfriend. I am excited though. To be close to the ocean, to meet new people, to find a temporary church family out there to love and encourage me...to spend some time with one of my best friends Jeannie who lives out there...to be able to do more outdoor activities and enjoy the beautiful climate. I have been very blessed to have relatives out there offer me a place to live. This is really going to help me out financially and I will be able to start paying off some school loans and other debt.
All in all, I think this is going to be a great opportunity and I want to embrace it with open arms and without fear. I want to be willing to go out on a limb with the Lord. I want to be lead step by step without having to see the whole journey of my life.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Over the pity party
Lately I've come to the conclusion that I don't want to be a complainer. One tends not to realize how annoying this bad habit is when engaging in it, whereas observing complaining in another individual is a bit reminiscent of nails on a chalkboard. I realize I am quite the culprit of going on about a difficult day at work, how tired I am, how I didn't get to take a break at school, etc., etc. but how beneficial is this really? Unless I am coming up to a solution with a problem there really is no point in subjecting friends, family, boyfriend to said verbal pity party monologue. I have so much to be grateful for and despite this hectic/emotionally trying season of life, things aren't so bad. I hope I can see the small blessings on my 13 hour plus days and not every detail that hasn't gone according to plan. After all the imperfections are what make life interesting. I'd rather be a bit of a flawed hot mess than have all my ducks in a row. ;)
Friday, September 24, 2010
rest
This evening I am back in Bristol. A place where I spent 12 years of my life (age 6-18) to be exact. I have not been here since Christmas of last year and returning makes me realize how splendid it feels to be HOME; even if only for a 24 hour snippet or so. I have missed the quiet country evenings away from the city lights, the cool mountain breezes and hearing merely the sounds of insects when leaning against a fragile porch railing sipping a glass of pinot grigio (chilled of course). I think really what I have missed is relaxing and listening. Hearing myself think and enjoying doing simple things like drinking tea with my mom (and watching "The Importance of Being Earnest"). I hope that when I drive back to Nashville I can take a bit of the serenity and peace with me. I pray that I can be the kind of person who works hard but knows how to stop and breathe the fresh mountain air; to appreciate my family and the dear friends in my life. To realize how much I have to be grateful for. That by simply waking up and taking a breath of city (or mountain) air I have been shown mercy and protection.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
sometimes i wonder if this city is just a maze and i'm lost in it...
feeling things can can be difficult. Sometimes it's easier to plod along in a dull emotionless haze. Rushing from work to school to bed to work to school to work to bed again and again. Refusing to think about things for fear of being overwhelmed or having an emotional breakdown. Today was one of those days where I allowed myself to really feel. To realize how stressed, worn down, dull, lifeless, and lacking in zest for life I have been in the past few months. I almost feel guilty when I take moments to nap, sit on my porch, or write because I think I should be checking off my constant to do list. I can hardly focus when I sit on my patio and pray to my Creator because a constant string of things that need to happen is running thru my mind. Along with these thoughts are thoughts that I'm not doing enough whether it's in my job, school, or doing as well financially as I would like. Don't even get me started on the fact that almost every close friend is married, engaged, having children, or in a long term relationship! Sometimes I have to face these insecurities, doubts, and lack of doing/being enough. Today I did that and it wasn't pretty. Tears were streaming down my face as I drove home from work (on the phone with my mom). I realized that all I can do is focus on a few challenges at a time and surrender them to the Lord. Life is so busy right now (with my 60ish hr. weeks) and sometimes I just want to throw in the towel and hang my head and give up. But I don't. I keep pressing on somehow; thru the 4am shifts, clients who freak out when I cut their hair exactly like they say, and living paycheck to paycheck I press on. Because I know that I was called to this. To Nashville (for now). To do hair. To live in community. To be weak. To not have it all together. And so I feel and I thank Him for these tears running down my cheeks.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
all good things
Lately I have been on a crazy roller coaster ride emotionally. Sometimes it's easier to sweep things under the rug in life; I find it simpler to forget difficult times or not really deal with problems and pretend that they have gone away. In pretending that I am not affected by the past or bothered by it I really am never going to be where I need to be. Both with GOD and with other people...This is what I have been realizing the last couple days (thanks to some words from different friends).
In high school I really struggled with depression, self-loathing, loneliness, and suicidal thoughts. I don't feel like these are major issues today but I realize that I am still affected by some of these issues that I dealt with in the past. I seldom feel good enough, talented enough, pretty enough, smart enough, organized enough, liked enough, and the list could go on and on. Why do I feel inadequate? I suppose it is because at some point I believed the lie that I wasn't really worth anything and no one really gave a damn. It feels especially lame realizing this because I have a great family and wonderful friends but I am always second guessing myself...Always thinking that someone is better than me, holier than me, and if I really think about it more loved by God than I am. How ridiculous this train of thought is!!! It is almost like I am slapping my Creator in the face and saying, "Um sorry God but what you've made and done here isn't sufficient..." I'm not saying that I should feel guilty for having doubts and issues (I am after all human) but I think sweeping them under the rug and not really trying to move past them is insulting my Creator. It also means that I am not really opened up to loving others and being loved in the way that God intends. There is a wall in my heart that I am slowly trying to tear down. Would you pray that God speaks clearly to me in the coming days? I want Him to do a new things and (to quote the weepies) "turn me into somebody loved".
In high school I really struggled with depression, self-loathing, loneliness, and suicidal thoughts. I don't feel like these are major issues today but I realize that I am still affected by some of these issues that I dealt with in the past. I seldom feel good enough, talented enough, pretty enough, smart enough, organized enough, liked enough, and the list could go on and on. Why do I feel inadequate? I suppose it is because at some point I believed the lie that I wasn't really worth anything and no one really gave a damn. It feels especially lame realizing this because I have a great family and wonderful friends but I am always second guessing myself...Always thinking that someone is better than me, holier than me, and if I really think about it more loved by God than I am. How ridiculous this train of thought is!!! It is almost like I am slapping my Creator in the face and saying, "Um sorry God but what you've made and done here isn't sufficient..." I'm not saying that I should feel guilty for having doubts and issues (I am after all human) but I think sweeping them under the rug and not really trying to move past them is insulting my Creator. It also means that I am not really opened up to loving others and being loved in the way that God intends. There is a wall in my heart that I am slowly trying to tear down. Would you pray that God speaks clearly to me in the coming days? I want Him to do a new things and (to quote the weepies) "turn me into somebody loved".
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
all smiles
The last week of life has been a bit of a blur. I am not really sure what the day of the week is, date or time. I keep having to look at my cell to remind me of these basic facts of life.
To summarize the last seven days, Tuesday of last week (exactly one week ago) I made the big leap of moving to Nashville. As many of you know this move has been a long time coming. I have probably been planning/saving money to do this for about 9 months now. The emotions I experienced driving down I-24 West last Tuesday can be described in three words: overwhelmed, excited and most of all a sensation that my world was about to become totally different. Brett (sister's boyfriend) helped me move all of my furniture with his truck which helped so much! I was so grateful not to have to spend tons of money on a Uhaul. I am living in the 2nd story of a house in East Nashville. I share the 2 bedroom loft apt. with my friend Lauren and there are 3 guys that live in the bottom floor below us. They are all in a hardcore band which I find kind of amusing. They are super sweet guys though and I think we will spend a lot of time this summer with them whether it's going out for sushi or sipping a beer on the front porch. I am glad to have neighbors that don't seem really sketch (which could very easily be the case in East Nashville)! Our house is less than 10 minutes from downtown which is super fun! I can not wait to check out some of the treasures downtown including the library (http://www.library.nashville.org/) and Gigi's Cupcakes (http://www.gigiscupcakesusa.com/).
Last Wednesday I drove to Cleveland and met up with my cousin Katie (who lives in Knoxville). We drove down to Atlanta with my friend Kristin M. to see The National at The Tabernacle. It was a super fun show and I actually got to meet the band (which I don't think I've done since high school). They were super nice guys and we had a really good time. Seeing them live was something I've wanted to do for the past 2 years so it was nice to have a little dream come true. :-)
On Thursday I drove back to Nashville and spent my 2nd night in the new place...Lauren and I hung out on the porch with our housemates for a couple of hours which was nice. Lyle, Brandon and J.P. are really funny and down to earth guys. It is nice to hang out with people who are not super pretentious...
Friday morning Lauren drove me to the airport (which is 15 minutes from our house) and I caught my 4 hour and 10 minute flight to Ontario, California. I had a non-stop flight which was super nice! My friend Jeannie picked me up at the airport and we drove straight to In-N-Out which was AMAZING. I hadn't been there in almost 2 years so my burger, fries and vanilla shake tasted better than ever. I actually have been there twice already even though I have only been out here for 4 days. Oh well...I can watch calories when I get home! ;-)
There is a lot more that I have been up to in the last few days but that is all I am going to share for now...Stay tuned for more trip details.
-amanda diane
To summarize the last seven days, Tuesday of last week (exactly one week ago) I made the big leap of moving to Nashville. As many of you know this move has been a long time coming. I have probably been planning/saving money to do this for about 9 months now. The emotions I experienced driving down I-24 West last Tuesday can be described in three words: overwhelmed, excited and most of all a sensation that my world was about to become totally different. Brett (sister's boyfriend) helped me move all of my furniture with his truck which helped so much! I was so grateful not to have to spend tons of money on a Uhaul. I am living in the 2nd story of a house in East Nashville. I share the 2 bedroom loft apt. with my friend Lauren and there are 3 guys that live in the bottom floor below us. They are all in a hardcore band which I find kind of amusing. They are super sweet guys though and I think we will spend a lot of time this summer with them whether it's going out for sushi or sipping a beer on the front porch. I am glad to have neighbors that don't seem really sketch (which could very easily be the case in East Nashville)! Our house is less than 10 minutes from downtown which is super fun! I can not wait to check out some of the treasures downtown including the library (http://www.library.nashville.org/) and Gigi's Cupcakes (http://www.gigiscupcakesusa.com/).
Last Wednesday I drove to Cleveland and met up with my cousin Katie (who lives in Knoxville). We drove down to Atlanta with my friend Kristin M. to see The National at The Tabernacle. It was a super fun show and I actually got to meet the band (which I don't think I've done since high school). They were super nice guys and we had a really good time. Seeing them live was something I've wanted to do for the past 2 years so it was nice to have a little dream come true. :-)
On Thursday I drove back to Nashville and spent my 2nd night in the new place...Lauren and I hung out on the porch with our housemates for a couple of hours which was nice. Lyle, Brandon and J.P. are really funny and down to earth guys. It is nice to hang out with people who are not super pretentious...
Friday morning Lauren drove me to the airport (which is 15 minutes from our house) and I caught my 4 hour and 10 minute flight to Ontario, California. I had a non-stop flight which was super nice! My friend Jeannie picked me up at the airport and we drove straight to In-N-Out which was AMAZING. I hadn't been there in almost 2 years so my burger, fries and vanilla shake tasted better than ever. I actually have been there twice already even though I have only been out here for 4 days. Oh well...I can watch calories when I get home! ;-)
There is a lot more that I have been up to in the last few days but that is all I am going to share for now...Stay tuned for more trip details.
-amanda diane
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Nashville
After a long hiatus from the blogging life I am BACK! I finally can make an exciting announcement about my plans for life after Cleveland because things are officially nailed down. :-) I am moving to Nashville in a little over a week with my fabulous friend Lauren. We have signed the lease on a cute duplex loft apt. that is actually the 2nd story of a house. It has 2 bedrooms, a large living room, kitchen, laundry room (washer and dryer included), fridge and a nook (I think I just like saying that word)! It is in East Nashville but in a less sketch area for anyone who knows Nashville...It is close to downtown, my new Starbucks (in Madison) and not too far from the Paul Mitchell school in Antioch that I will be starting at in October (if all goes as planned). I am so excited! Come visit me? :-)
Also, I am heading to the west coast May 29th-June 9th to be in my friend Jeannie's wedding (June 6th). I am looking forward to some beach, in-n-out, sushi, mexican food, family seeing, and of course hanging out with one of my bestest friends! I have not been to California in going on 2 years and I am super pumped!
I will be back in Nashville on the 9th and starting work at my new store shortly after that...I am going to be working on some writing samples as well. I am keeping my fingers crossed that I can find some freelance work in my new city...
Change is coming and I am so ready!
Monday, February 2, 2009
Being an adult is so much fun ;-)
The last week has been a little bit rough to say the least. On Thursday evening my cute little altima broke down on I-75 South near Ooltewah. I was crusing along as normal when suddenly all of my lights came on (engine, oil, brake), my steering started locking up, I couldn't accelerate and my engine started making a terrible noise! I had to get it towed back to Cleveland and the mechanic thinks it needs a new engine. Let me just cough up that couple extra thousand dollars I have underneath my bed. ;-) It may end up being a better idea to just buy another car and sell my car for the parts. It is eleven years old and I have already put a lot of repair work into it...I may end up buying Aubrey's car in a couple months, but until that day it looks like life is going to involve me sharing a car with my two brothers.
This all may sound like a lot of whining and complaining but I am honestly quite grateful. I am thankful that I now work in Cleveland and could walk to work if I have to (this would have been a terrible thing to have happen if I was still driving to Chattanooga). I am also blessed to have access to another car sometimes. I guess it's just frustrating that this happened a few months before I am planning to move somewhere else where I definitely will need a car. I have some money saved but I was hoping to use that towards the move and not a car payment. Anyways, hopefully things will work out and I will stop stressing! I miss my little coche!
This all may sound like a lot of whining and complaining but I am honestly quite grateful. I am thankful that I now work in Cleveland and could walk to work if I have to (this would have been a terrible thing to have happen if I was still driving to Chattanooga). I am also blessed to have access to another car sometimes. I guess it's just frustrating that this happened a few months before I am planning to move somewhere else where I definitely will need a car. I have some money saved but I was hoping to use that towards the move and not a car payment. Anyways, hopefully things will work out and I will stop stressing! I miss my little coche!
Monday, January 19, 2009
Can I have this dance with you for the rest of my life?
Currently I am sitting alone in my cozy little apartment on this snowy (gasp!) January afternoon pondering life, love and other mysteries. Erick Baker and Phillip LaRue are on the playlist and I am trying to get some thoughts out on this "page" that have been running around in my brain the last couple days.
I am thinking about the concept of dancing and what it involves. According to the definition of the word dancing can be many different things or ideas; it can be a series of motions and steps, involve leaping or skipping about excitedly and it also can bring an individual to a particular state or condition. Thinking about the latter component of the idea what state is brought about when one dances? Well when I dance at least usually joy, happiness, freedom and a carefree state of mind are brought about. It doesn't matter if I'm engaged in some sweet and mushy slow dance with a current boyfriend or engaged in a joyous dance circle with a group of girlfriends...Okay actually there is a difference. Both experiences bring about complete abandonment and lack of concern about the fears, hurts and bitterness that this world and many of the people in it can provide. There is a crucial difference however; dancing with a lover is quite different than dancing with friends for a variety of reasons...First of all there is that feeling of utter closeness with another person that rarely comes across in other experiences.
In a slow couple dance there is mostly tender appreciation for the other person involved. It really is not a selfish act. It is simply holding someone closely, gazing into their eyes and feeling every beat of their heart. You don't exactly get that in a girl dance party (not that I don't utterly enjoy such experiences, don't get me wrong)! Listening to the lyrics to an Eric Baker song today "Can I have this dance with you for the rest of my life?" I started thinking about how I want the rest of my life to be a dance. I want my relationship with my God to be joyous, without fear and completely like dancing with someone that I am utterly and completely in love with. I want to get so swept up and abanoned in this dance that I am quick to forgive, eager to abandon the hurts I've endured and ready to love and be open to new and exciting happenings in my life without fear. I want to know that I am not alone. Oh Lord, can I have this dance with you for the rest of my life?
*This post was written to the sounds of Erick Baker and Phillip LaRue...for more check out
www.myspace.com/philliplarue
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=182328459
I am thinking about the concept of dancing and what it involves. According to the definition of the word dancing can be many different things or ideas; it can be a series of motions and steps, involve leaping or skipping about excitedly and it also can bring an individual to a particular state or condition. Thinking about the latter component of the idea what state is brought about when one dances? Well when I dance at least usually joy, happiness, freedom and a carefree state of mind are brought about. It doesn't matter if I'm engaged in some sweet and mushy slow dance with a current boyfriend or engaged in a joyous dance circle with a group of girlfriends...Okay actually there is a difference. Both experiences bring about complete abandonment and lack of concern about the fears, hurts and bitterness that this world and many of the people in it can provide. There is a crucial difference however; dancing with a lover is quite different than dancing with friends for a variety of reasons...First of all there is that feeling of utter closeness with another person that rarely comes across in other experiences.
In a slow couple dance there is mostly tender appreciation for the other person involved. It really is not a selfish act. It is simply holding someone closely, gazing into their eyes and feeling every beat of their heart. You don't exactly get that in a girl dance party (not that I don't utterly enjoy such experiences, don't get me wrong)! Listening to the lyrics to an Eric Baker song today "Can I have this dance with you for the rest of my life?" I started thinking about how I want the rest of my life to be a dance. I want my relationship with my God to be joyous, without fear and completely like dancing with someone that I am utterly and completely in love with. I want to get so swept up and abanoned in this dance that I am quick to forgive, eager to abandon the hurts I've endured and ready to love and be open to new and exciting happenings in my life without fear. I want to know that I am not alone. Oh Lord, can I have this dance with you for the rest of my life?
*This post was written to the sounds of Erick Baker and Phillip LaRue...for more check out
www.myspace.com/philliplarue
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=182328459
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
My Christmas Wish...
So I've been thinking a lot the last few days...What has been filling my head of late? The concept of love has been on my mind in recent days; both how much of it I currently have and how much more I long for. I suppose it is this magical time of the year when it is freezing and dreary that makes one especially long for someone to cuddle up with in front of the Christmas tree; someone to sleep in with on those few and far between lazy Saturday mornings.
Yes, I have been given an amazing family and very dear friends. Yes, I am very loved both by people and by my God. Despite this truth and knowledge there still is an emptiness from time to time deep within my being; the longing is quite strong (in both my mind and heart) to be in relationship with the man that I am going to spend the rest of my life with. I can not wait to be with someone who loves me for me, encourages me in my relationship with God and forgives me of my past sins. I want this man to know that I have blown it a lot with previous guys but that I am currently striving to keep myself as much for him as I can. I do have a desire for physical affection and love which has at times lead me down dangerous paths. My once trusting and vunerable heart has grown cynical and filled with wounds covered in scabs. How I long to be able to be genuine and reveal my true self to another human soul again...
This is my Christmas wish (I guess wishes would be a more accurate description):
-to be honest with myself and others
-to run after God above all others
-to keep myself as much as possible for my future husband...both physically, mentally and emotionally
-to not break someone else's heart (or my own for that matter)
Merry Christmas!
Yes, I have been given an amazing family and very dear friends. Yes, I am very loved both by people and by my God. Despite this truth and knowledge there still is an emptiness from time to time deep within my being; the longing is quite strong (in both my mind and heart) to be in relationship with the man that I am going to spend the rest of my life with. I can not wait to be with someone who loves me for me, encourages me in my relationship with God and forgives me of my past sins. I want this man to know that I have blown it a lot with previous guys but that I am currently striving to keep myself as much for him as I can. I do have a desire for physical affection and love which has at times lead me down dangerous paths. My once trusting and vunerable heart has grown cynical and filled with wounds covered in scabs. How I long to be able to be genuine and reveal my true self to another human soul again...
This is my Christmas wish (I guess wishes would be a more accurate description):
-to be honest with myself and others
-to run after God above all others
-to keep myself as much as possible for my future husband...both physically, mentally and emotionally
-to not break someone else's heart (or my own for that matter)
Merry Christmas!
Monday, December 15, 2008
I am grateful
December greetings to all of my beautiful friends. You keep me sane and love me much more than I deserve. I am truly grateful for you...Lately I have become increasingly aware of this litle tendency of mine to focus on the negative, to complain, to not be content and to not be grateful for that which I have been given. I feel that my feeling judgemental personality is partly to blame but that is seriously no excuse for me to wallow in self sorrow.
Lately conviction has started to kick in big time about just how much I take for granted...Here is a little list of thing I am thankful for that I started to compose:
1) I have been given amazing friends who encourage me and support me in my dreams and non-traditional way of going about things.
2) I have been placed into a family that loves and supports me despite our differences.
3) I have a job that pays my bills, allows me to save money and provides excellent health insurance.
4) I have a car that runs well and does not break down.
5) I have a lovely little cheap apartment that I share with my fabulous brothers.
6) I have people to call when I have a bad day or the world seems to be closing in.
7) I did not have to take out any loans for my undergrad degrees (which frees me up to be able to go to hair school next fall like I want to).
8) I have been given the gift of salvation from a God who loves me and sees me as beautiful and worthy of love (despite how unworthy I am).
9) I have the ability to pursue different options in my life (moving different places, starting hair school, having friends who want to live with me)...Contrary to how I sometimes feel, I am NOT stuck and stagnant! I really have very many different opportunities that have been given to me.
10) I am surrounded by good books, yummy food and fabulous conversation. Just last night my brother Aaron and I were up until 2:30 a.m. watching different sermons online and discussing them. I am so grateful to be surrounded by encouraging folks who spur me on to recapture the love I once had for my God. On that note check out this link to a very good talk we watched last night:
http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/the-peasant-princess/his-garden
So to sum it up, thank you for taking the time to read this rambling list of a thankful heart. If you have been a part of my life I am very grateful to you. Thank you for taking the time to love this imperfect and selfish girl. I am amazed that you care for me. I am truly not deserving. Thank you!
Lately conviction has started to kick in big time about just how much I take for granted...Here is a little list of thing I am thankful for that I started to compose:
1) I have been given amazing friends who encourage me and support me in my dreams and non-traditional way of going about things.
2) I have been placed into a family that loves and supports me despite our differences.
3) I have a job that pays my bills, allows me to save money and provides excellent health insurance.
4) I have a car that runs well and does not break down.
5) I have a lovely little cheap apartment that I share with my fabulous brothers.
6) I have people to call when I have a bad day or the world seems to be closing in.
7) I did not have to take out any loans for my undergrad degrees (which frees me up to be able to go to hair school next fall like I want to).
8) I have been given the gift of salvation from a God who loves me and sees me as beautiful and worthy of love (despite how unworthy I am).
9) I have the ability to pursue different options in my life (moving different places, starting hair school, having friends who want to live with me)...Contrary to how I sometimes feel, I am NOT stuck and stagnant! I really have very many different opportunities that have been given to me.
10) I am surrounded by good books, yummy food and fabulous conversation. Just last night my brother Aaron and I were up until 2:30 a.m. watching different sermons online and discussing them. I am so grateful to be surrounded by encouraging folks who spur me on to recapture the love I once had for my God. On that note check out this link to a very good talk we watched last night:
http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/the-peasant-princess/his-garden
So to sum it up, thank you for taking the time to read this rambling list of a thankful heart. If you have been a part of my life I am very grateful to you. Thank you for taking the time to love this imperfect and selfish girl. I am amazed that you care for me. I am truly not deserving. Thank you!
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
my new life
It is amusing how one can be ready for change for what seems like years and then when it does take place life seems bizarre and unfamiliar (not to say that is a bad thing). One forgets what it feels like to start over from the beginning. When I moved to Cleveland a little over a month ago I was so ready to get out of Knoxville but now I actually miss it at times. I miss sushi dates with Megan, Allen, and Morgan. I miss Chic-fil-a runs and movie nights with Laura and Danielle. I miss taking classes and having my future life ahead seem to explode with new ideas and hopes. There is still a lot of hope in me for the future but I feel like I lack the freshness I did as a junior in college when I had my first boyfriend, was "in love" and honestly a bit naive. I really do not feel like I have regrets about how my life is now. I am growing up and learning to be more of an adult (and keeping a healthy dose of child-like behavior around as well) which is a good thing.
It is funny because in a sense I am much more independent than in the past and yet this urge to find someone to settle down with and spend the rest of my life with has begun to kick in; maybe it is all those engagement/wedding announcements that keep crowding up my mailbox nowadays. ;-) It seems to be more than that though. Despite all my independence, feminist perspective and my thinking that "I don't need a man", maybe I do after all...I find myself craving someone who is my best friend, intelligent, funny, adventurous, spiritual, etc. Of course being madly in love with him would help too (yes I am a hopeless romantic despite my cynical exterior thank you very much).
All this to say is that lately I have struggling with loneliness a lot. I am grateful to be getting a lot of hours at work to fill up a lot of my time. It is definitely different living here in Cleveland. I miss hanging out with someone most nights of the week (I get really excited to have people over now or go out to do something). All this alone time has allowed me to focus on what needs to change in me. First of all my tendency to be judgemental and to not understand people who are different from me (seems God has been trying to slam me over the head with that this week). Secondly, I am much more of an angry person than I thought; I have realized this on most of my drives to and from work (why do people drive like utter maniacs here?!). Thirdly, the tendency to be very ME focused...Do people like me? Why has it been so long since I have been on a date with a decent guy? Why do I have to work so hard for what I want in life? Why don't I have more money?
I truly long to be not focused on the me issues of life so much. Instead I long to lend my time and funds to help the poor and needy...to be a true friend, sister and child of God. I want the me things to be the last that come to mind...for the needs of others to be constantly in my thoughts. I want to take action and not just talk about social justices that need to happen.
In conclusion, life is different, new, exciting and a little bit scary but I am so glad to be right where I am today. I am truly blessed and constantly amazed at how much I am loved.
It is funny because in a sense I am much more independent than in the past and yet this urge to find someone to settle down with and spend the rest of my life with has begun to kick in; maybe it is all those engagement/wedding announcements that keep crowding up my mailbox nowadays. ;-) It seems to be more than that though. Despite all my independence, feminist perspective and my thinking that "I don't need a man", maybe I do after all...I find myself craving someone who is my best friend, intelligent, funny, adventurous, spiritual, etc. Of course being madly in love with him would help too (yes I am a hopeless romantic despite my cynical exterior thank you very much).
All this to say is that lately I have struggling with loneliness a lot. I am grateful to be getting a lot of hours at work to fill up a lot of my time. It is definitely different living here in Cleveland. I miss hanging out with someone most nights of the week (I get really excited to have people over now or go out to do something). All this alone time has allowed me to focus on what needs to change in me. First of all my tendency to be judgemental and to not understand people who are different from me (seems God has been trying to slam me over the head with that this week). Secondly, I am much more of an angry person than I thought; I have realized this on most of my drives to and from work (why do people drive like utter maniacs here?!). Thirdly, the tendency to be very ME focused...Do people like me? Why has it been so long since I have been on a date with a decent guy? Why do I have to work so hard for what I want in life? Why don't I have more money?
I truly long to be not focused on the me issues of life so much. Instead I long to lend my time and funds to help the poor and needy...to be a true friend, sister and child of God. I want the me things to be the last that come to mind...for the needs of others to be constantly in my thoughts. I want to take action and not just talk about social justices that need to happen.
In conclusion, life is different, new, exciting and a little bit scary but I am so glad to be right where I am today. I am truly blessed and constantly amazed at how much I am loved.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Change is so needed
This blog is slightly reminiscent of the last one. One could find them to be distant cousins or something of the sort I am sure. I suppose I shall start off by discussing what is new and exciting in my world.
After things went South (no pun intended) with my planned move to California I found myself having an early 20's life crisis. I began to feel trapped having lived in the same city for 5 years, finding myself still working at the same job I had in undergrad (working at the beloved Bux) and watching many of my dear friends began to move away...In other words, I began to feel very trapped in a rut. Since graduating in 2007 with degrees in both English Literature and Psychology I have made the decision that I want to go back to school. I desperately want to cut hair for a living. I love reading, books and writing but I feel like going to grad school would be forcing a not me decision. I am kind of a nerd in a sense but never have felt the desire for years more of schooling. A couple of years ago I decided against becoming a teacher (which is pretty much what I thought I would do for years). I also changed my mind about going to grad school for Psychology.
I have always felt like I needed to do something out of the typical 9-5 job. Something that would allow me to be creative. Something that would be an outlet for my social/quirky personality. Cutting hair combines so many things that I enjoy and am passionate about. It is very people oriented, creativity requiring, demanding, competitive, social and lastly I think it will be fun! Imagine that in a career! ;-) It also will pay the bills and allow me to write and pursue other hobbies (photography, cooking, taking more spanish classes and playing music).
Since the whole Cali thing fell through I have been trying to figure out what the next step is. I really want to start school as soon as possible but I also want to take out loans for as little as possible and to have some money saved up for living expenses. I am good at paying bills, having enough money for expenses, etc. but I tend to suck at saving money. I pondered moving to Nashville but didn't really have enough funds so that idea quickly fell through as well.
My life felt like a conundrum until I had the sudden realization of what I should do. I decided to move to Cleveland, TN (near Chattanooga) until May at least and live with my brothers, transfer to another Starbucks and save some money. It is amazing how much my living expenses have already gone down since I moved here less than a week ago. The only thing that will cost more is the amount of money that I spend on gas (since I now have to drive 30 min. to work). Other than that things will be much better. My rent is cut in half and I have 2 less bills! Woohoo! :-)
So that is what I decided to do with my life (until the summer months at least)...More updates and exciting happenings to follow.
X's and O's.
After things went South (no pun intended) with my planned move to California I found myself having an early 20's life crisis. I began to feel trapped having lived in the same city for 5 years, finding myself still working at the same job I had in undergrad (working at the beloved Bux) and watching many of my dear friends began to move away...In other words, I began to feel very trapped in a rut. Since graduating in 2007 with degrees in both English Literature and Psychology I have made the decision that I want to go back to school. I desperately want to cut hair for a living. I love reading, books and writing but I feel like going to grad school would be forcing a not me decision. I am kind of a nerd in a sense but never have felt the desire for years more of schooling. A couple of years ago I decided against becoming a teacher (which is pretty much what I thought I would do for years). I also changed my mind about going to grad school for Psychology.
I have always felt like I needed to do something out of the typical 9-5 job. Something that would allow me to be creative. Something that would be an outlet for my social/quirky personality. Cutting hair combines so many things that I enjoy and am passionate about. It is very people oriented, creativity requiring, demanding, competitive, social and lastly I think it will be fun! Imagine that in a career! ;-) It also will pay the bills and allow me to write and pursue other hobbies (photography, cooking, taking more spanish classes and playing music).
Since the whole Cali thing fell through I have been trying to figure out what the next step is. I really want to start school as soon as possible but I also want to take out loans for as little as possible and to have some money saved up for living expenses. I am good at paying bills, having enough money for expenses, etc. but I tend to suck at saving money. I pondered moving to Nashville but didn't really have enough funds so that idea quickly fell through as well.
My life felt like a conundrum until I had the sudden realization of what I should do. I decided to move to Cleveland, TN (near Chattanooga) until May at least and live with my brothers, transfer to another Starbucks and save some money. It is amazing how much my living expenses have already gone down since I moved here less than a week ago. The only thing that will cost more is the amount of money that I spend on gas (since I now have to drive 30 min. to work). Other than that things will be much better. My rent is cut in half and I have 2 less bills! Woohoo! :-)
So that is what I decided to do with my life (until the summer months at least)...More updates and exciting happenings to follow.
X's and O's.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Fear and Loathing
Recently I have become inspired to create a new blog. Perhaps it is because the land of xanga has become rather extinct; maybe it is my tendency to be a copycat and pounce on the ideas of others...Whatever the purpose, reason, or inspiration I have been chomping at the bit these days. The need to write has started pulsing through my veins in a fashion quite similar to when I was the English major nerd attending The University of Tennessee (yes I do miss being in school).
The last few months have some of the most confusing, up to down and up again, trying and yet joyful months in my life. As most of you know I was planning on moving to Southern California about a month ago. The idea was to move out there, live with the grandparents for a year or so, work and attend cosmetology school. About two months ago I had the sudden realization that I could never do that (live with the grandparents that is). "What is the big deal Amanda?", "I could live anywhere for a few months if I was in California!" and "Are you sure?!" were the most common responses that I heard from well-meaning friends and family when I made vocal my decision to remain in the glorious state of Tennesee for a while longer...I had to consider their questions and several reasons popped into my mind for why I could not live with my well-meaning grandparents.
-Lack of independence and freedom: If I had gone through with my decision to live with Jack and Jo I would have had to give up a lot of what I have enjoyed over the last 5 years of my life: the ability to not be accountable to elders with my time, to make mistakes and learn from them, to go on hot dates, to have the political viewpoints that I currently posess and also to be charge of my own living environment.
-Pressure to conform to my grandparents religious ideologies and spiritual expression: My grandparents both profess to be Christians but we go about how we live our Christian lives quite differently. For my grandmother being a Christian means going to church, being afraid of rock music, not going dancing at a bar, not watching Oprah, being devoted to Benny Hinn and lastly watching more TBN than any one human should. For me it is more about caring for my friends and family, living a life of love where I follow the teachings of Jesus, putting other people above myself, being passionate, understanding how to be frugal and NOT living in fear (I honestly do not want to feel like I need to have a gun to feel safe and secure).
-Being surrounded by fear: I briefly touched open this in my last bullet but let me just say that I can not stand basing my decisions and priorites in life upon worries and anxieties that I may have as an imperfect and flawed individual. I love my grandmother very much but it drives me totally nuts that she is always sending me clippings for new findings about something that is hazardous to my health and that she refuses to drive on the freeways in California most of the time.
These are just a few of the reasons why I decided to postpone moving to one of my favorite areas of this country, Orange County California. I felt it was more important to be true to who I am and to be in a postitive living situation than to have the beach 15 minutes away, the ability to be surrounded by more like minded people, easily accesible in-n-out burger, drive thru-japanese restaurants, coffee shops that are not part of a chain and to have mountains where I could snowboard several days a week for much of the year at my fingertips...
I have given all of these dreams so that I can struggle and try to find my place in East Tennessee. Sounds pretty loco I know...So what are my future plans you ask? More of that to come...
The last few months have some of the most confusing, up to down and up again, trying and yet joyful months in my life. As most of you know I was planning on moving to Southern California about a month ago. The idea was to move out there, live with the grandparents for a year or so, work and attend cosmetology school. About two months ago I had the sudden realization that I could never do that (live with the grandparents that is). "What is the big deal Amanda?", "I could live anywhere for a few months if I was in California!" and "Are you sure?!" were the most common responses that I heard from well-meaning friends and family when I made vocal my decision to remain in the glorious state of Tennesee for a while longer...I had to consider their questions and several reasons popped into my mind for why I could not live with my well-meaning grandparents.
-Lack of independence and freedom: If I had gone through with my decision to live with Jack and Jo I would have had to give up a lot of what I have enjoyed over the last 5 years of my life: the ability to not be accountable to elders with my time, to make mistakes and learn from them, to go on hot dates, to have the political viewpoints that I currently posess and also to be charge of my own living environment.
-Pressure to conform to my grandparents religious ideologies and spiritual expression: My grandparents both profess to be Christians but we go about how we live our Christian lives quite differently. For my grandmother being a Christian means going to church, being afraid of rock music, not going dancing at a bar, not watching Oprah, being devoted to Benny Hinn and lastly watching more TBN than any one human should. For me it is more about caring for my friends and family, living a life of love where I follow the teachings of Jesus, putting other people above myself, being passionate, understanding how to be frugal and NOT living in fear (I honestly do not want to feel like I need to have a gun to feel safe and secure).
-Being surrounded by fear: I briefly touched open this in my last bullet but let me just say that I can not stand basing my decisions and priorites in life upon worries and anxieties that I may have as an imperfect and flawed individual. I love my grandmother very much but it drives me totally nuts that she is always sending me clippings for new findings about something that is hazardous to my health and that she refuses to drive on the freeways in California most of the time.
These are just a few of the reasons why I decided to postpone moving to one of my favorite areas of this country, Orange County California. I felt it was more important to be true to who I am and to be in a postitive living situation than to have the beach 15 minutes away, the ability to be surrounded by more like minded people, easily accesible in-n-out burger, drive thru-japanese restaurants, coffee shops that are not part of a chain and to have mountains where I could snowboard several days a week for much of the year at my fingertips...
I have given all of these dreams so that I can struggle and try to find my place in East Tennessee. Sounds pretty loco I know...So what are my future plans you ask? More of that to come...
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