So I've been thinking a lot the last few days...What has been filling my head of late? The concept of love has been on my mind in recent days; both how much of it I currently have and how much more I long for. I suppose it is this magical time of the year when it is freezing and dreary that makes one especially long for someone to cuddle up with in front of the Christmas tree; someone to sleep in with on those few and far between lazy Saturday mornings.
Yes, I have been given an amazing family and very dear friends. Yes, I am very loved both by people and by my God. Despite this truth and knowledge there still is an emptiness from time to time deep within my being; the longing is quite strong (in both my mind and heart) to be in relationship with the man that I am going to spend the rest of my life with. I can not wait to be with someone who loves me for me, encourages me in my relationship with God and forgives me of my past sins. I want this man to know that I have blown it a lot with previous guys but that I am currently striving to keep myself as much for him as I can. I do have a desire for physical affection and love which has at times lead me down dangerous paths. My once trusting and vunerable heart has grown cynical and filled with wounds covered in scabs. How I long to be able to be genuine and reveal my true self to another human soul again...
This is my Christmas wish (I guess wishes would be a more accurate description):
-to be honest with myself and others
-to run after God above all others
-to keep myself as much as possible for my future husband...both physically, mentally and emotionally
-to not break someone else's heart (or my own for that matter)
Merry Christmas!
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